Help
Posted 15 January 2006 - 11:59 PM
I have always enjoyed eating and have battled with my weight as far as I can remember. As a young child, I had chubby cheeks and a round face that would get profoundly much rounder as I gained weight. I grew up with mixed messages about food. While my older relatives told me to eat more, my parents would tell me not to eat more. Other times my parents would tell me to go ahead and have more food especially when we would go out to eat at restaurants. My grandmother and great grandmother fed me lots of candy and food while I was in their care. My great grandma even had her own stash of candy in her bedroom and would give me all sorts of treats while my parents were not looking. Oh, what a child’s dream!
When I was in grade school, my first thoughts of being fat began as well as thoughts that being fat was my destiny. After all, my own father nicknamed me “fat little girl” in Chinese. I was chubby but by the time I was in the 8th grade, I thinned out a bit because I didn’t want to be fat in high school. I started my first diet by counting calories and not eating much which I learned from my mom who was always saying she was going on a diet. Even to this day, if she overeats she will say she needs to go on a diet.
When I was in high school, I struggled to keep my weight around 100-105 lbs, wore sizes 3 to 5 and being a short 5’1”, it was fine for my height but I did not exercise and had a belly that poofed out.
When I started college, I gained the typical “freshman 15” from eating too much (had a meal plan with all you can eat and the food wasn’t bad) and eating many unhealthy after midnight and having one too many drinks at parties. My weight went up and down depending on the season. I’d gain weight in the winter and lose it during the summer. By the time I graduated college, my face got rounder from the weight I had gained and when my dad saw me for graduation, the first thing he said was not a hello but “Winnie, you’re fat.” I moved home after graduation and quickly lost the weight by just eating less. I was unable to find a suitable job so I went back to college for another degree.
When I finished my second degree and got my first professional job, I traveled for work almost every week for the next 3.5 years living in hotels and eating out every day. For someone who enjoys food, especially desserts, I was in heaven. It was like being a kid in a candy store. I could eat whatever I wanted and not have to worry about paying the bill. I ate decadent desserts almost daily and my favorite cookies were from the Doubletree hotel that would be given to me upon check-in. My weight quickly crept up over time and my size fluctuated between size 6 and 10 Petite. Before I got married, when I first bought my wedding dress, I was a size 12 but I lost weight and it had to be altered. I was wearing a size 8 Petite by then I think.
When I was pregnant with Josh, I was happy to be able to eat for 2 and I didn’t watch what I ate. I don’t remember how much weight I gained because for the next few years, I refused to get on a scale. I knew I was fat and didn’t want to see the numbers. After his birth, I lost some weight and got back to a size 8 but found out I was pregnant with Christian when he was 16 months old. I still had baby weight left over and I don’t know how much weight I gained but the few pictures I have remind me of how big I really got. After he was born, I was depressed and none of my clothes fit. I wore maternity clothes for a long time and had to buy L and XL shirts for the first time in my life. I wore elastic pants and big shirts. I ate to hide the pain as well as to celebrate occasions. I was having stress from multiple factors: DH was laid off, I was making the adjustment from having 1 to 2 kids, and I was transitioning from working in an office with people to working from home all alone. Working from home was not conducive to weight loss since I was only inches away from the pantry and refrigerator and stuck on the computer all day. I was at my all time heaviest weight and I honestly have no idea what I weighed since as I mentioned before, I refused to step on a scale. I’m guessing in the 160s since I had to get weighed at postpartum. It was tough being heavier than my DH who is 5’10” and weighs 155 lbs.
On January 21, 2004, I got brave enough to step on the scale and it read 150 lbs. and I was wearing a tight fitting size 12 Petite so that is the weight I decided to use to begin my journey on losing the baby weight and being healthier. It also helped that DH wanted to buy life insurance and I know I really *needed* to get down to a lower weight. I wasn't ready to lose weight until that point and I could tell DH was getting worried about me but he never said that I was fat or anything negative. He loved me just the way I was. I had to love myself first and that was hard a thing to do. Once I did that, I was ready to begin my quest for a healthier life. I read about the South Beach Diet here at TPP and lurked as I saw some others' successes and thought it *could* work and since I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), this would be better for my health since I have a higher risk for developing Type 2 Diabetes and other diseases.
4 months later, I dropped from a barely squeeze in size 12 Petite to a size 6 Petite. I read Lauren Sue's AMAZING story on our playgroup board and thought to myself, "If Lauren Sue can find time to exercise with 4 kids, a DH, Parkinsons, and a haunted house...LOL, then I can do it too! I started Pilates the week of May 12, 2004 and I was so excited to have lost over 20 lbs and back in my pre-pregnancy clothes but I still had a mommy pooch. It took me about 10 weeks to see the mommy pooch start to shrink so if you're just starting Pilates, don't get discouraged if you don't see the results immediately. And for those of you who are getting discouraged by the scale not budging, don't worry. You'll gain some weight when you begin from the muscle weight. I started adding in cardio like walking outside, Walk Away the Pounds workouts and Bellydance for Fitness workouts.
In August 2004, the last 10 lbs came off for a total loss of 30 lbs and I quickly found that when I get stressed, instead of eating I exercise first. I find that exercising or eating a snack before a meal helps me not to overeat. I now weigh 120 and have kept the weight off for almost a year. I fit in most sizes 2-4 Petite, unless it’s Old Navy then who knows depending on the style…lol! I am more fit and healthier than I have ever been in my life so far. I started running in April 2005 and ran my first 5K race because Rachel in AZ suggested it to me and Jess said she would do it if I did it. I have never been a runner and I doubt I’d be running had I not been doing Pilates faithfully for over a year now. After running my first 5K, I truly feel that I can accomplish anything! I’ve had good days and bad days and the journey has not always been an easy one but overall, I feel more control over my body and my life. What is different for me this time is that I made a lifestyle change that did not happen overnight and I put myself first on the list. I also believe in eating in moderation. I like to think that I'm a recovering food addict because I still love to eat but most of the time I choose healthier foods. I truly feel that if I can do it, anyone can!!
Thanks for reading!!
I would have never been able to come this far without the support of this board and my friends here who have been with me every step of the way. Thank you all for motivating me on the days when I least felt motivated! This board ROCKS!!!
Here are some pics:
My face through time...from being pregnant in 2000 through 2005
At my heaviest after the birth of Christian
Muscle makes you look leaner than fat. Proof is shown below. I weigh about the same in both pics.
Left: August 2004 (after 3 months of Pilates and I really thought I looked good then) Right: May 12, 2005 (after one yr of Pilates)
June 18, 2005: After my first 5K Race
